Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Terrible idea I love it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
