Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
