I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the day after is always just damage control
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
