I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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