How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
