handjob tips. give me some.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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