office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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