I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
