Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
