so that wasnt chicken after all
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
