There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Text me some of your sweat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
