dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
