you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
