Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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