Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
