My hair reeks of homosexuality.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
