mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
