ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
