Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
