I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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