I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
