Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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