i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
