please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
