I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
