im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The ass gains better be worth it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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