I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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