she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
