Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
