woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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