:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
