So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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