The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
