so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
