I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
