In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
