i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
