Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
