I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
