So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
