Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just found a bag of teeth...
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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