this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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