You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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