I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
FUCK WHALES
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