I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
