I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
