Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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