ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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