Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
