How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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