and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
