Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
