Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
