Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Can i not drive my cunt home
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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