cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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