just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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