last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i may or may not be watching the land before time
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
