i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
