hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
