I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
