They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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