I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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