They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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