What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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