god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
