either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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