Betty ford says i'm here all night
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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