barbara walters just said penis...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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