look no pants
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
