Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
