I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
