I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
