I showed him my bush... on skype.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
