i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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