I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's Friday. Sex?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
