He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
