My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
