hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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