I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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