I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
