I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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