come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
