I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
