you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
